Dear Allen

It's been 4 months since I got the news that you had passed away. Time is not healing my wound. I miss you so much. I can't imagine my life without you. You were the only one I could trust with telling anything to. The only one who wouldn't judge me. You were the only one who could calm me down out of a panic attack, although I don't get them very often anymore. You told me things that I didn't want to hear, but needed to hear. You put me in my place. You pushed me. You loved me unconditionally. I am so sorry that I let the ups and downs of the relationship I was in at the time prevent us from talking as much as we use to. I can't get that time back and I very much regret it. You made sure I knew I was loved. You sent me cards and gifts for every holiday. You sent me money when you thought I had none.

You encouraged me to do everything I could do and be everything I wanted, to try everything because you only live once. You pushed me to follow my dreams, when I just wanted to throw them away.

You listened to every insane story and experience that I went through here. You were with me every step of the way throughout my Father's death and my Mother's sickness. You told me that you would be with me at her funeral holding my hand. You said you would do everything you could do be there with me. I will never forget that day we met. It was at the Merchants Advocate Christmas party where our parents worked. I thought you were so cool. You looked like someone straight out of my teen beat magazine. I didn't see you again for 2 years because you lived in Woodbury. It was freshman year at OHS, when I saw you sitting in the hallway at lunch. You were way too cool for the cafeteria. I walked over and introduced myself and we were friends from that point on...

We shared a love of music and pop culture. The Cure, KMFDM, Madonna, Kylie, Warhol, R.E.M, so many memories. I have notes that you wrote me with pictures of Robert Smith from the Cure drawn on. Your artwork was priceless and I wish that you would have followed your dreams as well.

I will never forget when you came to visit me in NYC. I had just been to Madonna the night before you got here. We had so much fun and I will cherish those memories forever. Especially sitting on the couch while my roomies slept and just talking all night.

We never had problems with conversation. You and I would be on the phone for 3 or more hours at a time sometimes more than once a day.

I miss you so much. You were my best friend. I will never forget that day in April when my phone rang. I thought it was you and I was so excited as we had not spoken in a while, and when I answered the voice on the other end was not yours, but your Mother's. My heart sank. I knew it couldn't be good. I feel so bad because I couldn't get there. I know you know how much I loved you. I will never meet another Allen Merritt. I can't wait to tell my kids one day about you. You were such an amazing person. So talented and caring, compassionate and loyal.

I am truly blessed to have met you and honored to call you my best friend.