It's been 5 months since we've spoken and 11 since you left

Whew, I can't believe it has taken me this long to get over what happened. It hasn't been that long since we've spoken, but almost a year since you left. I knew that day that it was over. I can't believe that I let you fool me again. Third time was the charm though, and I have to admit you made me believe it this time. I believed you changed. I stood up to all my friends and family. I defended you. I pushed everyone who meant anything to me away because they didn't understand you.

I am sure that my Dad is rolling in his grave. He tried to tell me way back in 1997 when we first met. He told me you were trouble, a con man. I told you in '07 that if it didn't work this time, you were dead to me. There would never be another conversation for the rest of our lives. I didn't ever want to see you again. I don't want to hear your voice. I told myself that I wouldn't wish bad things for you, but I do and I forgive myself for that. You know what I have went through. You were so good with my Mom, how could you want to hurt her too? I hear things, and I know that Karma is having a hay day with you. You will never learn. You will never change and you will never grow up. And unfortuneately something really bad is bound to happen soon, something that will shake you to your core. And I will be there to watch and smile politely.

You broke me so badly I didn't know if I could ever love again. If I would ever want to feel love again. I didn't know how much damage you did until recently. But I am better now. You were right about one thing, I am strong. Stronger than you. I will always be there when you close your eyes, I hope my voice echoes in your head. I hope we cross paths one day, as I know you will seek me out thinking you can charm your way back into my life. And when we do I will look right through you as if I don't see you. You don't exist to me anymore. I wish I saw the damage you did when you were doing it. I thought I was happy. I was wrong. It was the "idea" of what we were, because we were never happy. You did everything you could to hurt me on purpose. I took us on a 3000 dream vacation and you ruined it. You did something that I never thought you would do.


I tried to fix you. I tried to "save" you. I realize now that I can't save everyone or anyone for that matter unless they want to be saved.

What I regret is that the 3rd time around for us, I let you in deeper than ever before. I showed you demons that no one has seen. I shared parts of me that no one knows about. I can't believe I let you there. I feel like a piece of me is gone now. You showed me a part of life that I didn't think I wanted, but I did. I do. For that, I thank you.

And maybe that was my lesson in all of this.....