Dear Allen

Today I had an interview, actually a 2nd interview as I went there yesterday too.  Before I walked in I was shit on by a pigeon, some say it's good luck, time will tell.  You don't know how much I miss you.  I miss you terribly. I need your wisdom, your strength and your encouragement.  Your the only one in my life who dared to push me.  Who made me feel as if I could do anything.  My world is crashing around me.  I found something that your Mom Sharon posted that I had not looked at in awhile.  It made me cry this afternoon.  Your birthday is coming up, February 14th, 2010... you would have been 37.  God you had just turned 36, for less than a month when you were taken away from the world.  I've heard from friends since your death what Joe did and didn't do and I wish you would have let me in, I wish you would have told me what he was doing.  I hate what he has done to you, your family and your things.  I hope that you are up in heaven giving him hell.  I wish there was something that I could do. I didn't find out till after the funeral that your parents didn't have money to bury you in anything but a pine box and that you don't even have a tombstone.  I wish there was something I could do.

I call your Mom and check in on her every few weeks.  I'm so sorry they lost the house, but I am sure the new apartment is much easier to handle.  I tried organizing some help for your Mom with friends from High School to get the rest of the things out of the house before the bank takes over, so I hope that worked out, I need to call and check.  I've just been so busy in my own little world and trying to figure out what I am going to do.  I've tried with Lee and he just won't let me in.  I worry that he's going to turn to drugs again.  I've called almost daily and left him messages but he just won't talk to me.  I don't know what else to do.   I know that you are watching over him, but I just wished he would open up.

I hope that I made as much of an impact on your life as you did on mine.  I miss you dearly.

xoxo
Glenna