I've probably called my Mom at least 6 times as of 10 pm. I miss her so very much and I know I am incredibly selfish. Selfish for not giving up my life and moving there. Selfish for begging God or the Universe not to take her yet, to give me one more year, or to take me. I'm just a waste of space, of flesh. I only worked 5 months out of 2009 and 8 months out of 2008. I haven't used my education, I'm not married, haven't reproduced. What good am I? I beg, pray, whatever everyday just to have more time with her.
I can't imagine going through life with no one to call and check up on me. No one for me to call and say, I love you. No one that I am eternally linked to by blood. It already still after all these years feels so odd to not be able to talk to my father or my grandparents. But when I loose the final link to my life is when I will truly loose myself.
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