What happened to my life? I've got great friends, right?

Today, since I woke up I have thought of nothing but my life.  The past, the present and the future.  I've had the tv on, but haven't really focused on anything except one show really.  I've done nothing.  Just now brushed my teeth at 7 pm.  I haven't spoken to anyone, not even my Mother.  Just my dog, and I've actually been grouchy to him. 

I came to realize that I really don't have a life anymore.  I have no friends.  I mean, I have friends, but I mean real friends whom I do things with.  Whom I'm active with socially and on a regular basis.  Sure I have friends in TN, but those were HS friends or some thereafter, I haven't seen most of those people in 20 years.  I have my friends that I've made in the 10 years I've lived here, but I haven't seen some in almost 5 months, some sadly in over a year or more.  The only one that I see regularly is Ruth, a 60+ year old woman, who in some way is a mirror of my future self.   She has no family, no friends close by, no kids, no husband or boyfriend.  She is Alone.  I am Alone.   I mean, I really am.  My Mom is dying of a terrible disease and I haven't seen her in almost a year.  I am not married, no kids, no brothers or sisters, no Grandparents, no boyfriend, and no friends.  Hiro, my beloved dog is my only friend. 

I have become a recluse.  I have no life.  I mean I have friends, but few and far between. Some only call when they are coming to visit, they need a tour guide and sometimes a place to stay, they come I see them briefly, the leave then I don't hear from them till the next time comes around that they visit for business or pleasure.

Most are only in my life when things are going good, when I'm out, going dancing, going to their parties, bar hopping, eating dinner and basically just happy.  None are around when skies are grey.  There is no one to be seen.  I'm sure they all think I'm some freak who's always sad.  Oh woe is me, I have no family, my Mom is dying. 

I've thought about sucide more than once in my life.  I thought about it when I was in HS, GOD how I hated high school.  But most recently I've been thinking of it more and more again. 

Not that I would ever do it, nah, I'm too chicken for that.  There's no way I would do that.

Thing is I have no solution for my problem, I thought I was a good judge of character.  I know people grow apart, I know that people have lives.  I thought I knew how to pick good people.  I thought I was a good friend to them too.  I guess not.